i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
