i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
