I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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