Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
