im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy