hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.