Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.