Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says