You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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