Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
