Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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