Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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