but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
