If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just pee around me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
