That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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