So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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