Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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