it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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