Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
