I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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