I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
