He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
