well you can't waste a boner
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
