He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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