we have officially lost it.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Randomize
