I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize