It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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