I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
