i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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