Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
