lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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