I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
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either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant