this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
