Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
