You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
