oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
