I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
