hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
