Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
