Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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