it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
