My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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