____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
