I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize