I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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