Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
