Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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