Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
