I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
