I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
