I'm jealous of your bromance
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
soo... how was my night?
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