this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
