You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize