OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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