Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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