I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
