i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
