i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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