went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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