I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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